Hatfielders,
This week we have a special guest donut email writer, Cait Goodwin. Check out her cool Virtual Donut Quest below.
-MLJ
Virtual Quest
(Hint: His first name was Mark.)
(Hint: http://hmsc.oregonstate.edu/visitor/bookstore.html)
(Hint: http://hmsc.oregonstate.edu/committee/sfty1005.pdf)
There’s been a Civil War.
Beavers vs. _ _ _ _ _
(The second letter is clue four.)
Donut Connoisseurs,
I was eating a donut outside of the Wednesday D-hour when I realized that we might be getting into a rut just eating donuts in the same place every week. So, here are some suggestions for other places you could enjoy a donut (with apologies to Dr. Seuss).
Donuts are delicious and versatile:
You can eat them in the car
Or getting loopy at the bar
You can eat them at the pound
While picking out a basset hound
You can eat them on a plane
Or walking through the pouring rain
You can eat them on a boat
And give the frosting to a goat
You can eat them on a bike
(‘twill be much safer if it’s a trike)
You can eat them in the lab
Or riding in a smelly cab
You can eat them on the go
Or at the newest Broadway show
You can eat them with the cat
While wearing mother’s fav’rite hat
You can eat them with a friend
And discuss ‘20s fashion trends
You can eat them with fried fish
And with your next-door neighbor, Trish
But, donuts are ALWAYS best if
I can’t think of a rhyme for that, so just be there.
Marine Fisheries Genetics
Coastal
2030 SE Marine Science Drive
Phone: 541-867-0421
Fax: 541-867-0345
http://oregonstate.edu/~johansma
Hatfielders,
Tuesday at 10am the Lincoln County Donut Society will be hosting a Donut Adoption Fair in the Donut Lounge. Come in and meet some of the three dozen donuts available for adoption. Many breeds of donuts will be available, including bismarks, maple bars, and old fashioned donuts. Adoption fees are by donation.
See you there!
-MLJ
Mattias Johansson
Marine Fisheries Genetics
Coastal
2030 SE Marine Science Drive
Phone: 541-867-0421
Fax: 541-867-0345
http://oregonstate.edu/~johansma
Hatfielders,
Here on the Pacific coast, the primary natural disaster threat we face is that of earthquakes and tsunamis. In the face of this threat, we’ll practice evacuating to the nearest high ground tomorrow at the usual donut time. Afterwards, I encourage you to join us in the donut lounge for a round-table discussion of survival foods entitled “Donuts: The Perfect Disaster Survival Food”. Some pertinent facts to get you thinking:
1. Donuts are easily portable
2. Donuts do not require utensils to eat
3. Donuts are calorie-dense
4. Donuts are highly palatable
5. Donuts are hypoallergenic
6. Donuts are a natural conversation-starter
7. Donuts can help you meet members of the opposite sex
8. Donuts can function as an emergency flotation device
9. Donuts will help you smite your enemies
10. I like Donuts
-MLJ
PS-> I got a very funny reply to last week’s email from a highly respected member of the community. I’ll share it anonymously here. If this individual wants credit, they can let me know. ;-)
Additional Donut Health Benefits:
If applied in sufficient qualities, has been known to be a mood enhancer with a side effect of weight gain.
Also effective to stop diarrhea if appropriately applied as an external "preparation".
Mattias Johansson
Marine Fisheries Genetics
Coastal
Phone: 541-867-0421
Fax: 541-867-0345
Dear HAAD Member,
Recently, it has come to the organization’s attention that there are potentially dangerous rumors being circulated about the medical benefits of donuts. In line with our mission to be a source of reliable donut information, we are distributing this email to clear up any confusion, and to highlight the true benefits of eating a weekly donut.
First, donuts have very few benefits when taken externally. The frosting on a fresh maple bar does make an effective pomade replacement, but the use of donuts as a depilatory, or to promote hair regrowth, is not supported by medical evidence (in fact, the suggestion that the same item could perform both functions should be seen as a warning that the claims are untrue). Also, the Sun Protection Factor of donuts is likely to be lower than a true sunblock, and will vary widely by type of donut. Donuts are likewise largely ineffective when used externally to deal with skin problems, such as acne, psoriasis, or dandruff. However, the use of donuts to prevent dry skin is effective.
Second, some claims for the internal use of donuts can easily be demonstrated to be false. While the tooth-whitening effect of donuts is well supported by medical research, donuts are not an effective replacement for regular dental checkups, as has been claimed. Donuts can be part of a sensible weight-reduction plan, but as with so many single-food diets (the Grapefruit Diet, the Atkins Diet, the Mud Diet), a donut diet will not contain all the nutrients necessary for good health and fitness. A donut and apple diet will be healthy and safe, however. Donuts should also not be used as a replacement for regular vaccination. While applying a donut to the site of a wound has been demonstrated to slow the spread of tetanus, only a tetanus shot can prevent longer term problems.
We hope this information helps to clarify some true donut benefits. Feel free to contact your local HAAD representative with any questions.
-MLJ
PS->Come eat a health donut tomorrow @10:00 in the Donut Lounge.
Congratulations, you have been nominated by a colleague for a free lifetime membership in the Hatfield Association for the Advancement of Donuts (HAAD). The HAAD serves Hatfield as an advocacy group for donut-related issues, as a funder of donut research, and as a social network for donut enthusiasts. By joining the group, you are making the statement that you take donut science seriously, and that you want to assist in building the most donut-friendly world possible. To accept your membership, simply fill out the attached membership certificate with your name, and display it prominently in your office.
-MLJ
PS->Also, there will be donuts in the Donut Lounge tomorrow @ 10am. Be there.
Mattias Johansson
Marine Fisheries Genetics
Coastal
Phone: 541-867-0421
Fax: 541-867-0345
HMSCers,
I was cruising around JC Market’s website this week and came across this nutrition facts panel. Since we’re all pretty health conscious around here, I thought I’d share it with you. Come have a donut tomorrow and see if the nutrition info seems accurate!
-MLJ
HsO Sports Fans,
On March 15th, 2008, the HsO’s own Ali Dauble, Kristina McCann-Grosvenor, and Becka Baldwin took a little swim in the bay as part of the Newport Fishermen’s Wives Survival Suit Races. An anonymous (to me) member of the community took a video of the entire event, and provided us a copy. Because the wheels of the HsO turn exceedingly slow (but grind extremely fine), I’ve only just posted the HsO team portion of the video to the Activities page on the HsO website. It must be said, though, that this video is well worth waiting for.
Check it out here:
http://hmsc.oregonstate.edu/HsO/Images/2008%20SSR/SSR2008.mpg
If it doesn’t make you extremely proud of your athletes (and possibly make you laugh yourself sick), you can’t call yourself a Hatfielder.
Enjoy!
-MLJ
Mattias Johansson
Marine Fisheries Genetics
Coastal
Phone: 541-867-0421
Fax: 541-867-0345
Dear Sir,
I am Mr. Mattias Johansson, Branch Manager of Mama's Old Fashioned Donuts of Nigeria, Lagos Branch. I have urgent and very confidential business proposition for you.
On June 6, 2008, an American Donut consultant/contractor with the Nigerian National Donut Corporation, Mr. Barry Kelly ordered 75,000,000 (Seventy Five Million) donuts from our bakery. On completion, I sent a routine notification to his forwarding address but got no reply. After a month, we sent a reminder and finally we discovered from his contract employers, the Nigerian National Donut Corporation that Mr. Barry Kelly died from choking on a donut. On further investigation, I found out that he died without making a Will, and all attempts by the American Embassy to trace his next of kin was fruitless.
I therefore made further investigation and discovered that Mr. Barry Kelly did not declare any kin or relations in all his official documents, including his donut order paperwork in my Bakery. This sum of total 75,000,000 donuts are still sitting in my Bakery, getting stale, as dormant account. No one will ever come forward to claim them, and according to Nigerian Law after 5 years, the donuts will revert to the ownership of the Nigeria Government if the baked goods owner is certified dead and nobody comes forward to claim them.
This is the situation, and my proposal is that I am looking for an American who will stand in as the next of kin to Mr. Barry Kelly. A bakery account abroad will then facilitate the transfer of these donuts to the beneficiary/next of kin. This is simple all you have to do is to immediately send me the details of a bakery location anywhere in the world for me to arrange the proper donut transfer paperwork. The donuts will then be shipped this bakery for us to share in the ratio 70% for me; 30% for you.
There is no risk at all as all the paperwork for this transaction will be done by me using my position and connection in the Bakery in Nigeria. We shall employ the services of an attorney to draft the Will and obtain all necessary documents and letters of administration in your favour for the transfer. This transaction is guaranteed. If you are interested, please reply immediately via the private email address below. Please observe utmost confidentiality, and rest assured that this transaction would be most profitable for both of us because I shall require your assistance to help eat my share.
Awaiting your urgent reply via my email: dontbotheremailing@mail.com
Thank you and regards.
Mr. Mattias Johansson.
NEW!
From Hatfield Brewing,
The brewery that brought you Jolly Rancher Porter and Peanut Butter Pilsner:
An authentic Belgian-style wheat ale flavored with donuts
Come Sample Our Flavoring Agents (that is to say, donuts) Wednesday @ 10:00 In The Staff Lounge!
All Ages Welcome!
5/14/2008, 9:04 AM
Hatfielders,
There comes a time in every person's life where he or she feels unfulfilled, and empty inside. For me, this feeling comes every Wednesday at 10:00. It means I need a donut. Come join me (and the HsO) in filling the emptiness inside with pastry this morning in the staff lounge. There will also be coffee. BYOMug. You can also help fill the emptiness inside our donation jar.
-MLJ
Mattias Johansson
Marine Fisheries Genetics
Coastal Oregon Marine Experiment Station
Hatfield Marine Science Center
2030 SE Marine Science Drive
Newport, OR 97365
Phone: 541-867-0421
Fax: 541-867-0345
http://oregonstate.edu/~johansma
4/16/2008, 9:13 AM
Join the HsO for coffee and donuts this morning at 10:00 in the staff lounge. Featuring coffee lovingly brewed by Londi Tomaro and donuts hand-crafted by John Chapman. BYO mug, and donations always welcomed.
-MLJ
Mattias Johansson
Marine Fisheries Genetics
Coastal Oregon Marine Experiment Station
Hatfield Marine Science Center
2030 SE Marine Science Drive
Newport, OR 97365
Phone: 541-867-0421
Fax: 541-867-0345
http://oregonstate.edu/~johansma
3/10/2008, 4:06 PM
HMSCers,
Come celebrate the deliciousness of chili with the HsO tomorrow at noon in the Staff Lounge. Six esteemed chefs will be presenting their finest examples of chili cookery. George Boehlert, Lisa Mulcahy, Olga Rowe, Mark Nielsen, Debrah Boylen, and Marisa Litz are facing off. Your task will be to decide whose chili is THE BEST OF HMSC! It's a SIX-WAY DEATHMATCH of BEANS and SPICE! You won't want to miss this event, it'll be one for the ages. Admission is $5 at the door. Proceeds benefit HsO and the Lincoln County Food Share.
See you there!
-MLJ
Mattias Johansson
Marine Fisheries Genetics
Coastal Oregon Marine Experiment Station
Hatfield Marine Science Center
2030 SE Marine Science Drive
Newport, OR 97365
Phone: 541-867-0421
Fax: 541-867-0345
http://oregonstate.edu/~johansma
