Monday, December 21, 2009

Don King Thinks Donuts are the Greatest

Thank god for donuts. Don’t besmirchify donuts. I’m not trying any trickeration on you. Donuts are the living attestation of the American dream. They are the extolment of this great nation. If you cast your dough upon the oil and you have faith, you’ll get back donuts. If you don’t have faith, you’ll get soggy bread. Only in America. America is the greatest country in the world-I love America. What has been accomplished with donuts could not have been done anywhere else.

PS->Donuts this week by Jessica Waddell. Thanks, Jessica!

Cold Snap in Newport

Cold Snap in Newport

Everything cold, clear, crisp.
At night, a million stars.
Smell of wood fires in the air.
Frosty car.
Frosty fingers.
Shower at work.
At home, pipes are frozen.
Wednesday morning,
Donuts and coffee.
Comforting and warm.


PS->Donuts this week by Debbie Steel. Thanks, Dibbie.

Famous Donut Enthusiasts

Donuts aren’t just beloved by commoners like us here at Hatfield. It turns out that the high and mighty also like a bit of fried pastry now and then. Here are a few examples of how donuts touch famous lives.
In addition to his hundreds of other patents, Thomas Edison invented a mechanized process for forming and cooking donuts. Broadly similar to the method employed by Krispy Kreme today, Edison’s machine was capable of producing up to 500 donuts per hour and required 4 people to operate.
Famous footballer and underwear model David Beckham has admitted to a weakness for an occasional donut (or doughnut, since he’s an Englishman). “After a game, Victoria and I might stop off at my favorite shop, Mike’s Famous Donuts in L.A. for a quick bite. It’s become kind of a tradition after I score a goal.”
President Calvin “Silent Cal” Coolidge enjoyed donuts so much that he requested that the White House baker provide donuts for every cabinet meeting. Presumably, having a mouthful of donut gave him an excuse not to talk.
When you’re famous, I’ll write about how you used to come to Wednesday donuts at Hatfield and mingle with the little people (assuming you come to donuts).

Donuts and Thanksgiving

I realized yesterday, as I was thinking of a topic to write about for donuts this week, that there are some very clear parallels between our weekly donut meeting and Thanksgiving (my favorite holiday). We spend both in the company of people we care about, eating food that makes us feel slightly guilty. Afterwards, if we’ve overindulged, we may feel sleepy (or just slightly off). Finally, both are filled with good conversation and laughter, with wonderful people we wish we could spend more time with. As Thanksgiving is a time to be thankful, I’m very thankful for the opportunity to work here at Hatfield, where I can get together with friends every week and take pleasure in food and good company. Thank you, Hatfield, for making this such a great community to work in.

PS->Donuts this week provided by Scott Heppell. Thanks, Scott!

Donut Buying

Over time, I’ve noticed that a core group of people tend to buy donuts a lot, with a few others buying once in a while, and a lot of us buying rarely (if at all). I suspect this is because the process is fairly complicated, and people are intimidated. Therefore, I’ve decided to describe what I usually do, so that others can follow my lead and feel comfortable picking up the donut wand once in a while. In general, I get my donuts from my friend Vladimir down on 49th Street. Vladimir doesn’t operate a traditional “donut shop”, so you have to make special arrangements. Vladimir doesn’t believe in “technology” either, so you can’t call or email. The system works this way: a week before you need the donuts, you go to the shopping center where the S. Beach post office is located. Next to the building is a mailbox. Put a single white rose in the mailbox and put up the flag. Then, you go to Mike Miller Park. Entering the park, you need to follow the path around in the clockwise direction. Place $18 in one-dollar bills in the crook of the fifth maple you come across (I think it’s the 18th tree on the left). Then, wait. On Tuesday of the week you need the donuts, drive along tenth street. If you see clothes hanging on the line at the blue house on the left (yes, even in the rain), you’ve succeeded in ordering donuts. The donuts will be left in the abandoned van behind the old Power Chrysler dealership after 9:00am.
Other people just pick up donuts at the JC Market. Either way, pick up the wand.

Ken Hall's Last HMSC Donuts

As you hopefully know by now, Ken Hall is leaving HMSC for opportunities and sunshine in San Diego. We’ll be celebrating his time at Hatfield at this morning’s donuts, with donuts and some additional goodies. I don’t have a lot of Ken Hall/Donut themed stories, but here’s one: There was a Wednesday morning, about a year ago (possibly longer), where various factors came together to prevent anyone from picking up the Donut Wand. Ken noticed, and went out to get a couple of dozen. Around the same time, Londi noticed the same thing and went out to get a couple of dozen. Also around that time, Mattias noticed the same thing, and went out to get three dozen (you know, it was Mattias). That morning, there were seven dozen donuts at the Wednesday Donut Fair. The thing is, Londi and Mattias bought donuts because they coordinate the Wednesday donuts. It’s their job. Ken bought them because he’s the kind of guy who makes things come together. Sometimes, because it’s his job, but often just because he wants things to work. Ken was tremendously good at making things work at Hatfield, and I, among many, will miss him as both a friend and as an awesome Hatfielder. Thanks, Ken.

Semeldonuty vs. Iterodonuty

Semeldonuty and Iterodonuty refer to the donut eating strategy of an organism. A species is considered semeldonutous if it eats a single donut at Wednesday donuts, and iterodonutous if it consumes numerous donuts at Wednesday donuts.

The word semeldonuty comes from the Latin semel, once, and donut, fried pastry. It is often known as "big bang" eating, since semeldonutous organisms eat only one donut per week. A classic example of a semeldonutous organism is Ruth Dimaria (Ruthia Dimarius), who works for many days in the lab before eating a single donut on Wednesday.

The term iterodonuty comes from the Latin itero, to repeat, and donut, fried pastry. It is often known as "gluttony", since iterodonutous organisms eat too many donuts each week. An example of an iterodonutous organism is Mattias Johansson (Matticus Johanssonii)—though many people may choose only to have one donut, Mattias is biologically incapable of eating fewer than three donuts at a sitting.
PS->Donuts this week by Bob Moch. Thanks, Bob!