Donut Health Myths

Dear HAAD Member,

Recently, it has come to the organization’s attention that there are potentially dangerous rumors being circulated about the medical benefits of donuts. In line with our mission to be a source of reliable donut information, we are distributing this email to clear up any confusion, and to highlight the true benefits of eating a weekly donut.

First, donuts have very few benefits when taken externally. The frosting on a fresh maple bar does make an effective pomade replacement, but the use of donuts as a depilatory, or to promote hair regrowth, is not supported by medical evidence (in fact, the suggestion that the same item could perform both functions should be seen as a warning that the claims are untrue). Also, the Sun Protection Factor of donuts is likely to be lower than a true sunblock, and will vary widely by type of donut. Donuts are likewise largely ineffective when used externally to deal with skin problems, such as acne, psoriasis, or dandruff. However, the use of donuts to prevent dry skin is effective.

Second, some claims for the internal use of donuts can easily be demonstrated to be false. While the tooth-whitening effect of donuts is well supported by medical research, donuts are not an effective replacement for regular dental checkups, as has been claimed. Donuts can be part of a sensible weight-reduction plan, but as with so many single-food diets (the Grapefruit Diet, the Atkins Diet, the Mud Diet), a donut diet will not contain all the nutrients necessary for good health and fitness. A donut and apple diet will be healthy and safe, however. Donuts should also not be used as a replacement for regular vaccination. While applying a donut to the site of a wound has been demonstrated to slow the spread of tetanus, only a tetanus shot can prevent longer term problems.

We hope this information helps to clarify some true donut benefits. Feel free to contact your local HAAD representative with any questions.

-MLJ

PS->Come eat a health donut tomorrow @10:00 in the Donut Lounge.