Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Last ever donuts!

… for me as a single guy.

That’s right: after this week, I’m off to get married to my sweetheart, Sarah.
After we’ve repeated after the officiant, eaten a few dozen horse deserves whore durves hors d’ oeuvres (and a cupcake or two), and built a couple of kayaks, I’ll be back here to munch donuts as a married guy. How will it be different?
1. I won’t be able to double fist donuts anymore. I don’t want frosting in my wedding band.
2. I’ll be able to eat A LOT more donuts. I’ll already have landed a girl, so I can let myself go.
3. My boring stories will be a lot more efficient. “My wife” is quicker to say than “my girlfriend”. Since I’ll still be desperate to prove that I’m cool, “my motorcycle” will still feature heavily, however.
4. Otherwise, it’ll be pretty much the same.

Be there: Wednesday, 10 am, LAP S185.

PS->Donuts this week courtesy of Dr. Chuck Wimpee. Chuck understands that science is a social pursuit, and is therefore a longstanding supporter of donuts. We’re lucky to have him in our department. Thanks, Chuck!

Tuesday, July 23, 2013


I just got back from a motorcycle ride to the donut shop, and it occurred to me that really, the best things in life are the simple things: a summer evening, an Italian motorcycle, and a fresh donut. You’ll have to stand for your own motorcycles, but the summer evenings are numerous and free, and donuts comes every Wednesday at 10. Be there.

Donuts is in a secret special location tomorrow: Lapham N202

PS->Donuts this week courtesy of Ona Alminas and Liz Kierepka and a third, super-secret anonymous donor. Mmmm, mysterioso.

Tuesday, July 16, 2013

Donuts in California

Free Passage!
Emigration to California
The Directors of the California Donut Company hereby give notice that they are ready to receive applications for Free Passage to their First and Principal Settlement, from Bakers, Sugar Boilers, and Biologists, being attractive, and not exceeding 40 years of age. Strict inquiry will be made as to qualifications and character. The Company’s Emigrant Ships will sail from Milwaukee early in September next.
Further particulars and printed forms of application may be obtained at the Company’s Offices.

I think I’ll apply.

PS->Donuts this week courtesy of our very own Department Chair, Daad Saffarini. Daad chairs the heck out of this department. She makes all the other department chairs look like department squares. Another department asked her to chair them, too. When she said no, they disbanded the department rather than accept some lesser substitute. Sometimes Daad also sits in a chair, when she chairs.

Sara's First Donut Email (Wednesday Donut Reminder!!)

Although Mattias is lying around catching some rays in the sunny state of California, my undercover carrier pigeon Peggy informed me that he would much rather be here in the far superior Milwaukee, Wisconsin for the most beloved event of the week, Wednesday donuts!

Reasons why Wisconsin is better than California:

Better donuts. This is so well known it doesn’t need statistical evidence to support it.

Better cheese. Wisconsin produces over 600 varieties of cheese made from the milk of our premium cows, and California only produces 250 from their inferior cows. Another fun fact, Wisconsin won 94 awards in the 2012 World Cheese Championship Contest and California won a whopping 3....

Lake Michigan is better than the Pacific Ocean. I mean come on..if given the option I think everyone would rather take a dip in Lake Michigan, than the Pacific Ocean. No brainer.

Better donuts. Okay just to keep it the facts coming… the local Pick n’ Save bakers at 1100 E Garfield Ave come in at 2 AM every Wednesday morning so they have enough time to ensure that the quality of the UWM Biology Departments donuts is to the very best standards and can be found nowhere else in the world, especially in comparison to the pitiful monstrosities that California bakers produce.

Better beer. Wisconsin has an unprecedented 70+ breweries including large breweries, microbreweries and brewpubs. California can only boast having just over 30…embarrassing.

Better people. All the statistics show that Wisconsinites are much more fun to hang out with compared to California beach bums, because we all know that is all they do in California.

Oh and of course better donuts!

Now Peggy is off to see what Mattias’s reaction is…If this doesn’t get him on the first flight back to Milwaukee to make it back in time for donuts, than you all must join in the donut picture messaging tomorrow morning! So don’t miss Wednesday donuts Lapham S185, 10am.

-Matilda (Mattias’s evil twin)

P.S. -> Donuts this week are courtesy of Dr. Emily Latch! Dr. Latch has been a frequent supporter of Wednesday donuts by her generous donations. When not devoting her time to her own research, Dr. Latch enjoys challenging fellow colleagues to pipetting contests. It is rumored she challenged our very own Nelson “the Flash” Castilho to a PCR plate filling contest and filled 100 plates in the blink of an eye. Nelson hasn't been the same since….

Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Summer Donuts!

Milwaukee in summer
Mosquitos drink their fill
Soaked with sweat, or
Soaked with rain, while
Thunder scares the cat
Back under the bed

I’d rather be out, on
The trail, or motorbike
Mud (or bugs) on my face
Sun on my neck, and arms
Glory in the beauty
Of active summer days

I still have Donuts, though
Reminding me, each Wednesday
That colleagues, and coffee
And air conditioning
Still exist, and bring
Energy and smiles to work

Donuts. Lap S185, 10am Wednesday.

PS->Donuts this week courtesy of Tony Paladino. Tony drives a race car to work. He owns half of the Michigan U.P. (he’s planning to rename it Paladinovania). Tony invented kettle chips and avocados. He has a graduate degree so advanced, it requires a PhD to pronounce the title. He also has a generous heart, since he supports Donuts. Thanks, Tony!