Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Kory Breuer: Donut Hero

As most of you will have heard already, Kory Breuer, our office superman, is leaving the Bio Department after Friday. So, we’re celebrating how great he is at this week’s Wednesday Donuts. If you’ve never come before, you should come now, just because Kory’s great.
I first met Kory when we were both members of the Army’s elite SEALIONs special operations group (like the Navy SEALS, except more badass, plus with external ear flaps). I can remember our first mission together like it was yesterday: we were tasked with supergluing a rainbow clown wig to Syria’s Bashar al-Assad so he’d look even sillier than usual. There were five of us: “Dutch”, “Hutch”, “Butch”, Kory “Rocket Monkey” Breuer, and me, “Donut King”. We inserted into Damascus dressed as a troupe of Canadian clowns, with machine guns, wigs, and glue hidden in guitar cases. That’s when things started to go wrong. When we landed, I accidentally slammed my thumb in the airplane door. Kory was the one to help me open it back up. Honestly, he saved my life that day. If he hadn’t been there, I wouldn’t be able to give a left-handed thumbs up anymore. After that, we drove around for a while, looking for al-Assad. Since we couldn’t find him, we glued the wig to a guy selling fruit at a stall and went home.
It’s times like those that really let you know a person. Kory was there for me then, and he’s been there for all of us since he came to Biological Sciences. Whether you jammed the printer with transparencies, or locked yourself out of your lab, or needed a different flavor of Laffy Taffy than banana, Kory was the guy to help. Presumably, he also had real work to do when he wasn’t dealing with my trivial BS.
Thanks, Kory. Your awesomeness will definitely be missed.
Donuts, LAP S185 10am Wednesday
-MLJ

PS->Donuts (and, rumor has it, other snacks) provided this week by Kim Quartemont.

The Secret of Donuts

Donuteers,
A history lesson! The first ever Donut Wednesday happened in Newport, Oregon in September of 2007. The idea originated in a meeting between Hatfield Director George Boehlert and HSO representatives MLJ and Marisa Litz. Also, everyone was vampires. Marisa suggested the idea, MLJ started writing inane emails, and history was made! Now, come be a part of history! Wednesday, 10am, Lap S185.
-MLJ

PS->Donuts this week courtesy of yours truly, MLJ! Not only did MLJ invent donuts, but he has also ridden his bicycle up to 100 miles in a single day. He has a cat called Bunny. Also, a motorcycle. He gave his car away to charity. He plays the bass guitar. He supports Wednesday Donuts. You should, too.

Stairway to Donuts

There's a feeling I get when I look to the west,
And my spirit is crying for coffee.
In my thoughts I have seen rings of pastry through the trees,
And the voices of those who come join in.

You should come join in, too. LAP S185, 10am Wednesday.
-MLJ

PS->Donut this week courtesy of the Latch Girls: Brittany, Liz, Ona, Rachel, and Katie (if she ponies up). These ladies will dance rings around you, drink you under the table, take some samples, do an analysis, and publish a paper about how even your DNA says that you’re lame before breakfast. After breakfast, they’re on Facebook.

Wednesday Donuts!

It sounds like hardly anyone saw last week’s email (for whatever reason). So, I’ll just recycle the key points:

Donut Comrades! A call to arms!
Our current donut coordinator, Heidi L Hargarten, B.S., B.S.C., S.S.C., will be heading off on a field work adventure for most of the summer. So, we’re looking for a hiatus replacement to buy and set up donuts every Wednesday. We thought about just shaving a monkey, but realized that the ideal candidate would have a car (or at least a bus pass) to collect the donuts at the store. It’s light work, and you can lick your fingers while you cut the donuts (I assume that’s what Heidi does). If you’re interested, let us know.
In the meantime, come to donuts. Wednesday, 10am, LAP S185.
-MLJ

PS->Donuts this week courtesy of Dr. Sonia Bardy! Dr. Bardy works on several delicious strains of bacteria. If you’re ever in her lab, you should lick a variety of surfaces. It’s just like Willy Wonka’s place.

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

It's Wednesday! Also, Donuts!

Donut Comrades! A call to arms!
Our current donut coordinator, Heidi L Hargarten, B.S., B.S.C., S.S.C., will be heading off on a field work adventure for most of the summer. So, we’re looking for a hiatus replacement to buy and set up donuts every Wednesday. We thought about just shaving a monkey, but realized that the ideal candidate would have a car (or at least a bus pass) to collect the donuts at the store. It’s light work, and you can lick your fingers while you cut the donuts (I assume that’s what Heidi does). If you’re interested, let us know.
In the meantime, come to donuts. 10am, LAP S185.
-MLJ

PS->Donuts this week courtesy of Dr. Colin Scanes. Dr. Scanes is an Englishman of some kind, which makes him automatically handsomer and suaver than the rest of us. When Dr. Scanes lectures, or just talks to people in the hallway, they get an irresistible urge to write “I love you” on their eyelids, like in Indiana Jones. Seriously. Men and women both.