Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Kory Breuer: Donut Hero

As most of you will have heard already, Kory Breuer, our office superman, is leaving the Bio Department after Friday. So, we’re celebrating how great he is at this week’s Wednesday Donuts. If you’ve never come before, you should come now, just because Kory’s great.
I first met Kory when we were both members of the Army’s elite SEALIONs special operations group (like the Navy SEALS, except more badass, plus with external ear flaps). I can remember our first mission together like it was yesterday: we were tasked with supergluing a rainbow clown wig to Syria’s Bashar al-Assad so he’d look even sillier than usual. There were five of us: “Dutch”, “Hutch”, “Butch”, Kory “Rocket Monkey” Breuer, and me, “Donut King”. We inserted into Damascus dressed as a troupe of Canadian clowns, with machine guns, wigs, and glue hidden in guitar cases. That’s when things started to go wrong. When we landed, I accidentally slammed my thumb in the airplane door. Kory was the one to help me open it back up. Honestly, he saved my life that day. If he hadn’t been there, I wouldn’t be able to give a left-handed thumbs up anymore. After that, we drove around for a while, looking for al-Assad. Since we couldn’t find him, we glued the wig to a guy selling fruit at a stall and went home.
It’s times like those that really let you know a person. Kory was there for me then, and he’s been there for all of us since he came to Biological Sciences. Whether you jammed the printer with transparencies, or locked yourself out of your lab, or needed a different flavor of Laffy Taffy than banana, Kory was the guy to help. Presumably, he also had real work to do when he wasn’t dealing with my trivial BS.
Thanks, Kory. Your awesomeness will definitely be missed.
Donuts, LAP S185 10am Wednesday
-MLJ

PS->Donuts (and, rumor has it, other snacks) provided this week by Kim Quartemont.

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