Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Homer Simpson Award

Hey Hatfielders,

How many awesome donut eaters do we have at Hatfield? I want to know which faculty or staff member you think deserves the Homer Simpson award. If you’d like to nominate someone please send me a short nomination letter detailing why you think they are so gluttonous. Nomination letters should address the nominee’s good looks, service to the donut community, collegiality, stickiness of fingers, or other characteristics that exemplify them as a model donut eater. Email to me by Feb. 1.


One of those weeks

Did you ever have one of those weeks? You know, you're near the end of your degree program, you've got about six months of funding left, and you feel pretty good about how things are going. Then, you realize that you've got 170 samples to analyze, and your intern two years ago took ten weeks to analyze 26 samples, and 170 divided by 26 means you'll be out of money, dropped out, and living in a refrigerator box about nine months before you get done analyzing samples, let alone write up and defend. And the panic overwhelms you to the point that you waste an entire precious day looking for work in the food service or retail sectors, and you notice an opening at Voodoo Donuts in Portland, and you remember that Wednesday donuts is tomorrow...
And you know everything will be OK.

PS->Donuts this week by Tomas Follett. Thanks, Tomas!

Manuscript DONUT77 for review

Dear Expert,

In view of your expertise I would be very grateful if you could review the following manuscript which has been submitted to the International Journal of Donut Science.

Manuscript Number: DONUT77

Title: Risks associated with eating donuts while operating heavy machinery and motorcycles


In case you wish to eat a dozen donuts before agreeing click here: http://ijds.edmgr.com/l.asp?i=23362&l=BI9CHSFT

In case you are interested in reviewing this submission please eat three donuts, then click on this link:

If you do not have time to do this, you have to realize we won’t be friends anymore.

If you hate me, and donuts, please click on this link:

You are requested to submit your review online by using the Donutorial Manager system which can be found at:
http://ijds.edmgr.com/. Your username is: Donut Fiend and your password is: I<3DonutsALOT.

We hope you are willing to review the manuscript. If so, would you be so kind as to return your review to us within 27 days of agreeing to review? Thank you.


If you have any questions, please do not hesitate to contact us. We appreciate your assistance.

With kind regards,
Mattias Johansson

PS->Donuts tomorrow courtesy of Mara Spencer. Thanks, Mara!

Observe the Donut New Year Tomorrow!

The Crullerian New Year, based on the Bismark Calendar (Dunkin-Hortons Calendar), is called Crulleri, and it falls on Newport’s Donut New Year (December 30th in 2009). It is a day of conversation, gorging, and meditation: observed from 6 a.m. until 6 a.m. the next morning, Crulleri is a day reserved for self-reflection and as such, anything that might interfere with that purpose is restricted. Although Crulleri is a primarily Hatfield holiday, non-Hatfield residents of Newport observe the day of feasting as well, out of respect for their fellow citizens. Even tourists are not exempt; although free to do as they wish inside their hotels, no one is allowed onto the beaches or streets, and the only airport in Newport remains closed for the entire day. The only exceptions granted are for emergency vehicles carrying those with life-threatening conditions, women about to give birth, and people seeking to buy more donuts.


Donut Controversy

Donut controversy
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Donut controversy refers to controversy or disagreement surrounding the celebration or acknowledgment of Wednesday donuts in government, media, advertising and various secular environments. Modern-day controversy occurs mainly in the United States,[1][2] Canada,[3][4][5] and to a lesser extent in the United Kingdom,[6][7] and usually stems from Wednesday's significant weekly role in Newport's economy in conjunction with its social significance in an increasingly socially diversifying Hatfield society. Some have used the label "War on Donuts" to describe this controversy.

Thankfully, there will be no war on donuts tomorrow, the last donuts Wednesday before Christmas. Come out and enjoy a Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa donut before the long holiday weekend. Donuts this week courtesy of Clare Reimers. Thanks, Clare!