Wednesday, November 19, 2014

Winter donuts, already?!?

I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but oh the weather outside is frightful. Thankfully, donuts are so delightful. And since we've no place to go (but work), let it snow. It doesn't show signs of stopping, and Heidi’s putting on some coffee. The lights are not turned down low. Let it snow. Let it snow. Let it snow. Donuts, LAP S185, 10am. (If you’re shy and reserved, rather than sneaking into the office for a donut at 11, feel free to knock 3 times on the door to 185 and we’ll all look away as you come in for a donut.)

PS->Donuts this week courtesy of Erica Young and John Berges. Honestly, these two good people might be the nicest (and my favorite) married professor couple consisting of two people from Commonwealth countries who have both worked in Europe and are now employed in Wisconsin I’ve ever met. Seriously, they’re great. 

Wednesday, November 12, 2014

John Powell's Last Donuts! LAP N202

Dr. John Powell, the best Postdoc in the Bio Department, is leaving us. Lucky bastard, he’s managed to land a permanent gig in that paradise on the St. Mary’s River, Sault Ste. Marie, Michigan. I know it’s hard to hear this news, but we have to try to think mostly of John, and his lovely family. I can’t help but think that the department will struggle, without John’s noble mustache to lead us on, but we’ll move forward together.
Come make your peace with John’s departure today at Wednesday Donuts: 10am in LAP N202.

PS->Turns out, that noble mustache is concealing a noble heart. John’s chipping in the cost of donuts this week as a farewell.

Wednesday, October 29, 2014

Donut endings and Donut beginnings

It’s grey and cold this morning and my mind turns to the coming winter, and the winding down of my time here at UWM. As a confirmed creature of habit, it makes me wonder what the future holds. Are things going to be better in a new place? What happens to the donut empire I’ve built here? Will someone carry on the tradition, or will this tiny light, trying to draw the department closer, go out? Either way, I’d love to see donuts go out with a flourish. If you haven’t been in a while, come out for one last cruller before I move on.
Wednesday Donuts, 10am, LAP S185

PS->Donuts this week courtesy of my donut heir, Heidi “MLJ v.2” Hargarten.

Wednesday, October 22, 2014

Donuts and Fountain Pens

I found a really cool fountain pen in my mailbox this week, along with a note from my friend Ben Franklin. To say it made my day would be a major understatement. There’s nothing quite as much fun (in the writing world) as writing with a fountain pen. So I resolved to write this week’s donut email with the pen. What a pleasure. Then, halfway through I realized that I didn’t know how to get a handwritten donut email out to everyone. So, I rewrote the email with the keyboard. I’m not sure how I’ll get the scratches out of the monitor either, but that’s an email for another day.
Wednesday Donuts, 10 am, LAP S185.

PS->This is the last week of Ben’s generous donation. If you’ve got $20 burning a hole in your pocket, let Heidi or I know.

Wednesday, October 15, 2014

Donuts in the best of all possible worlds

We live in a golden age. Crime is way down. Rates of worldwide poverty and hunger have never been lower. You can carry your music collection in your pocket, even if it’s too big to fit on a single cassette. PhDs in Biology are abundant across the land. Sounds like it might be time to celebrate! Wednesday Donuts, LAP S185, 10am.

PS->Donuts this week courtesy of our dear friend, “Benjamin Franklin”. Did you know: Franklin coined one of my favorite phrases, “In the dark all cats are grey”, modernized to “All cats are grey in the dark.” Awesome. Founding father, kite enthusiast, lover of old cats. What a good guy.

Monday, October 13, 2014

Donut Job?

Beloved colleagues,
I’ve just revised my job application cover letter for an assistant professor job I’m applying for at the University of the Northwest. Can you take a look at it and offer suggestions?

Dear Search Committee,
I’m writing to apply for your recently advertised position in Molecular Genetics. Please, please, please give me a job. I’m desperate. My wife said she’d leave me if I don’t get a real job soon. How about this: if you hire me, I’ll start a Wednesday Donuts in your department? Mmm, donuts.
Yours Sincerely and Professionally,
Mattias Johansson

Wednesday Donuts, LAP S185, 10am

PS->Donuts this week courtesy of our mysterious friend, Ben Franklin. As great as he/she is, I’m thinking Ben Franklin should be president. Of Earth. I’m starting the campaign now, so if you want to volunteer, let me know. As Obama showed us, it’s all about your ground game.

Wild donut conjecture

Thankfully, we still don’t know the identity of our mysterious donut benefactor, “Benjamin Franklin”. So now it’s time for some wild conjecture about their identity, based on no evidence (a la CNN). First, we know that the note was written in pen. So, they’re obviously intelligent enough to write with a pen. Unfortunately, while this eliminates all departments outside of Biology, it doesn’t tell us more than we already suspected. The next clue is that the pen they used was blue. This suggests that they are quite physically attractive (beautiful, or possibly handsome), in addition to their intelligence. Again, this pretty much encompasses all of Biology, plus Jordan and our beloved janitorial team. So, no closer to the truth. I guess it remains a mystery.
Wednesday Donuts, LAP S185, 10am.

PS->Donuts courtesy of Biology’s Best Friend Forever (BBFF), “Ben Franklin” (BF)!