Colombian Donut Folk Wisdom (w/ Folk Wisdom Expert Camilo Vanegas)

Mejor sera una dona fea y sabrosa que una mujer bonita y mejor.
Better an ugly and sweet donut than a beautiful and bitter woman.

Todo el tiempo comiendo vegetales es tiempo perdio comiendo donas.
All time spent eating vegetables is time lost to eating donuts.

Amor de donas equilibra los ricos y los pobres.
Love of donuts levels rich and poor.

De le una dona a un hombre y comeria por un dia, enseñale horneal y las donas le hase gordo.
Give a man a donut and he will eat for a day, teach him to bake and donuts will make him fat.

Come have a donut and gain some valuable folk wisdom tomorrow at 10:00 in the donut lounge.

-MLJ & CAV

Donut Proverb

As I walk through the valley of the shadow of Wednesday

I shall fear no evil.

For I have my friends,

And a donut that protects me from low blood sugar

Join me and the HsO in battling the evils of Wednesday with a powerful donut. Staff Lounge, 10:00.

-MLJ

Donut Slayer

As they approached within a half mile of the cave, the desolation became acute. Not a green thing grew, and nothing moved. Another sure sign of the monster, the rocks were oily and slippery. The difficulty of dealing with such an infestation was certainly not in the tracking; any blind man with a nose for pastry could have found this blighted grease spot as easily as the slayer and his companion had.

Now, as they stood near the entrance of the monster’s lair, they considered the real challenge that faced them. The slayer rested his hand lightly on the handle of his weapon. Like a large bread knife, it had a serrated edge that would easily cut through the flesh of the beast. The ancient, hardened frosting presented a greater challenge. This protective armor would have to be dealt with by other means. The slayer’s companion, a gnomish inventor, had the answer. His invention, an insulated beer keg with shoulder straps and an extended pump handle, would spray scalding hot espresso over 25 feet. This should be enough to weaken the frosting and let the slayer do his work.

They approached the mouth of the cave. Fighting within would be suicide, so the slayer cried out a challenge:

“Foul donut, I, Mattias of Toledo, have come to destroy you. I have slain many of your kind, and now I have come to slay you. Your reign of terror is at an end!”

At this, there was a stirring within the cave, and a plume of greasy steam wafted from the entrance. The inhabitant growled, and then it appeared. Huge, frosted in maple, angry, it looked around for the source of the challenge.

The slayer stepped forward. “Monster, you have fattened your last maiden. My sword will taste of your pastry, and you will be destroyed.”

A target sighted, the donut roared and began a rolling charge. The slayer raised his weapon and ran toward the donut. His companion contributed a steaming spray of coffee and a gnomish battle cry. Within seconds, the distance was closed. The slayer leapt, and swung his blade down in a wide arc…

Donuts. Wednesday 10:00 in the Staff Lounge. Come slay a few with your Hatfield Friends.

-MLJ

East Coast Donuts

Preliminary Report on East Coast Donuts (Dunkin Donuts):

As most of you know, I was recently in Connecticut, gathering data for a comparison report on West Coast versus East Coast donuts. Here are some of my preliminary findings:

1. Patriotic donuts are quite popular. These consist of various frostings with red-white-blue sprinkles. Pretty awesome.

2. Sprinkles on east coast donuts are crunchier than those found in the west. Very nice.

3. They do not appear to have a maple bar at Dunkin. Instead, the maple donut is round. I found this kind of unnatural.

4. The fruit filling in the filled donuts at Dunkin may involve real fruit in its manufacturing. Compared to the presumably non-fruit containing gel in west coast donuts, this should be a plus. However, I found it somewhat off-putting.

5. In summary, donuts on the east coast are somewhat different from our common western varieties. In most respects, they are very good. There are some slight differences which may take some getting used to, but I believe it would be worth the effort.

West coast donuts, donut lounge 10:00.

-MLJ

Leaving Donuts Behind

Eugene Airport. Headed east. Every moment takes me further from you
and my beloved donuts. The ache in my heart (and stomach) is becoming
unbearable. Only the thought of joining you at donuts in a weeks time
sustains me. That, and the thought that you will be enjoying donuts
together in a few hours time. Donuts, Wednesday at 10:00.
-MLJ

National Donut Day - June 5

Today is National Donut Day! Celebrate by getting a dozen at your local donut shop, or if you've got a Krispy Kreme nearby, stop in for a freebie:

http://investor.krispykreme.com/releasedetail.cfm?ReleaseID=386396

Either way, you'll wind up happy!

-MLJ

Gourmet Donut Guide 1: The Old Fashioned

A dense, cakey donut, the old fashioned donut is today overshadowed by other more frosting-heavy raised donuts. This is unfortunate, in that the old fashioned is rightly considered a true classic among donuts. Ideal as a breakfast donut, the old fashioned is also well suited to serving as a late-morning pick-me-up or afternoon snack. Not too sweet, the old fashioned pairs well with sweet fresh fruit, and is ideally matched with a cup of café au lait, fruit juice, or sweet white wine. Overall, the old fashioned is an excellent choice for those who prefer a less-sugary option, but is likely to remain underappreciated by the average donut connoisseur.

-MLJ