Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Donut Fellowship Application

February 24, 2009

Donut Conservation Fellowship
American Donut Society
5410 Cruller Lane
Bismarck, DO 36688

Dear Donut Fellowship Committee,

Please consider my application for a Donut Conservation Fellowship for my project “Identification of unbaked Donut samples for stock assessment”. I am currently in my last year as a PhD candidate in Dr. Michael Banks’ lab at Hatfield Marine Science Center. My research focuses on the use of genetic tools to illuminate basic science questions and address conservation needs of northeastern Pacific donuts. I currently have projects examining the genetic basis of donut selection in researchers and graduate students (in collaboration with JC Market), and using genetic techniques to identify unbaked donuts in BAKERY surveys (in collaboration with NMDS researchers).

I have applied for Donut funding specifically to help improve the latter project.  Two CIDS researchers and I have received funding from the Cooperative Institute for Donut Studies to identify 1000 samples from the 2008 BAKERY sampling season. Donut funding would allow me to broaden the temporal sampling in this study to cover three additional years of sampling (2005-2007), and provide information on year-to-year changes in donut abundance and distribution in Oregon bakeries. Because more than 90% of unbaked donuts cannot be identified to type visually, the availability of genetic identification tools means that where previously it was only possible to comment on donut abundances generally, the data provided by this project will allow us to draw specific linkages between individual types of donuts and time, latitude, and geography. The purpose of the BAKERY sampling is to improve stock assessment, by providing a fishery-independent survey of donut recruitment. This project has the potential to make that possibility a reality for donuts. Thank you for your consideration of my application.


Tuesday, February 17, 2009

(Donut) Would you rather?

Donut Nuts,

Maybe you’ve heard of this game. The premise is that you’re offered two options (generally unpleasant) and you’re required to choose between them. Here are a few you can think about:

1. Would you rather
A. put a squirrel down your pants for five minutes? B. put a donut down your pants and keep it there all day?

2. Would you rather
A. eat nothing but donuts for the rest of your life? B. Drink nothing but soda for the rest of your life?

3. Would you rather
A. say “donut” after every sentence? B. touch your nose every time anyone says “donut”?

4. Would you rather
A. have a donut tattoo? B. have a misspelled tattoo?

5. Would you rather
A. sing a song about donuts in front of your coworkers? B. do a donut-themed interpretive dance in front of your coworkers?

6. Would you rather
A. miss Wednesday donuts? B. miss a half hour of work?


PS->Don’t miss Wednesday donuts. Tomorrow. 10:00. 

Donut Horoscope

Aries - There may well be a new donut on the scene today, and while all the indications suggest that this could evolve into something more, one pesky influence advises a more cautious frame of mind on your part. Don’t leap in and don’t let your imagination run away with you. Hold back! 

Taurus - It may be Wednesday but the planets suggest a long, long overdue donut break. If you are due some kind of donut or coffee, then you should receive the first of it today. Some Taureans who may have missed last week’s donuts may well get that all-important second chance! 

Gemini - It’s a grand day, where yesterday’s annoyances are replaced with donuts. Old coffee should be dumped out. Disengaging yourself from a taxing problem and having a donut will lift a weight from your shoulders. Conversation over coffee may prove useful too! 

Cancer - Take coffee out of the equation today and you could be in for an interesting day. Fabulous pastry options may encourage a hasty reaction but you’ll also have the ability to rectify any mistakes too (by eating another).

LeoWednesday donuts is about to get interesting, more so because you won’t necessarily be in the driving seat. Coffee may well take on an unusual slant, while attached Lions could see a new side to their partner or relationship. You may end up feeling a sugar and caffeine rush. Perhaps you’re not quite ready for three donuts a week! 

Virgo - It’s a great day to act on previous decisions, revive old ideas and implement plans. Turn words into action: if you want a new health regime or if you want to cut out any unhealthy habits, then wait until tomorrow, because today it’s donuts. It’ll be even better if you can get one or two others to join you in coffee and conversation for some mutual support! 

Libra - Today’s planets should enable a pleasantly sociable day, but indirect influences suggest that if something is lingering at the back of your mind, most likely a work-based matter, then it may be wise to ignore it in favor of donuts. Allowing it to linger on will be fine, trust me! 

Scorpio - It’s a day to exercise some caution. You won’t be inclined to pause, think and consider. Being a little impulsive is great, but there’s a tendency to go overboard today. You could over indulge in those things that aren’t so good for you or you could just eat a bunch of donuts, your choice! 

Sagittarius - Planetary shifts boost communications today. Far from being blunt or a little clumsy, you’ll have a good sense of timing and sensitivity, which bodes well for donuts and coffee. For the attached Archer, a cozy donut meeting should round off Wednesday nicely! 

Capricorn - An ability to pick up other people’s donuts and coffee should make this day a lot easier. However, an overly hesitant or pessimistic approach to donuts could initially cause some minor friction. Don’t be too negative today; keep an open mind, or you could test someone’s patience too much! 

Aquarius - If, like a couple of other signs, you can ignore the gloomy overtones of one or two influences, then you can look forward to donuts today. A burst of charm and charisma will make you positively irresistible, which bodes well for coffee, whether you drink it with or without cream! 

Pisces - You should feel quite bolstered by coffee and donuts today. Whatever intuitive sense you may feel about an imminent change in the direction of your life should be pursued vigorously. There may be an unexpected donut on the tray that helps to prompt a major life choice! 

Whatever your star sign, be sure to come have a donut tomorrow at 10:00 in the staff lounge.


Man Versus Donut

Man vs. Donut Episode 1

In this episode of Man vs. Donut, Cliff “Bear Grylls” Ryer demonstrates how to survive in the semi-urban jungle of Newport, OR. In the first segment, Ryer explains how to navigate the local Safeway in search of donuts, using locally-found canned goods to mark a safe path to and from the bakery department. Next, Ryer shows the audience how to trap the “wild” JC Market donut using only a cardboard box and his bare hands. Finally, Ryer demonstrates a variety of methods for preparing fresh-caught donuts, including slicing into halves, slicing into quarters, and eating the donut whole.

Don’t miss it!


PS->Hopefully, Cliff will be available to sign autographs at donut Wednesday tomorrow at 10:00. Be sure to come out and meet this local celebrity and survival expert (and eat a donut).