Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Emergency Ration Donuts

Hatfielders,

Here on the Pacific coast, the primary natural disaster threat we face is that of earthquakes and tsunamis. In the face of this threat, we’ll practice evacuating to the nearest high ground tomorrow at the usual donut time. Afterwards, I encourage you to join us in the donut lounge for a round-table discussion of survival foods entitled “Donuts: The Perfect Disaster Survival Food”. Some pertinent facts to get you thinking:

1. Donuts are easily portable

2. Donuts do not require utensils to eat

3. Donuts are calorie-dense

4. Donuts are highly palatable

5. Donuts are hypoallergenic

6. Donuts are a natural conversation-starter

7. Donuts can help you meet members of the opposite sex

8. Donuts can function as an emergency flotation device

9. Donuts will help you smite your enemies

10. I like Donuts

-MLJ

 

PS-> I got a very funny reply to last week’s email from a highly respected member of the community. I’ll share it anonymously here. If this individual wants credit, they can let me know. ;-)

Additional Donut Health Benefits:

If applied in sufficient qualities, has been known to be a mood enhancer with a side effect of weight gain.

Also effective to stop diarrhea if appropriately applied as an external "preparation".

 

Mattias Johansson

Marine Fisheries Genetics

Coastal Oregon Marine Experiment Station

Hatfield Marine Science Center

2030 SE Marine Science Drive

Newport, OR 97365

Phone: 541-867-0421

Fax: 541-867-0345

http://oregonstate.edu/~johansma

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