Have you noticed that there are some people who just never
come to donuts? Or maybe they used to go, but they don’t anymore? I was reading
my MUFON newsletter the other day, and it turns out that these people are
probably ALIEN REPLICANTS! It turns out that the evil lizardmen (and
lizardwomen, too; it’s not an invasion of sexists) can’t tolerate the pure,
wholesome donut deliciousness. It melts them, or something.
What can you do? First, demonstrate your loyalty to the
human race by coming to donuts EVERY WEEK.
Second, if you have a friend, labmate, or boss who doesn’t
attend, squash a donut against their face. When they dissolve, you’ll know why
they never had time for a break on a Wednesday morning.
Be careful out there. And keep watching the skies.
-MLJ
PS-> The following people chipped in for donuts this
week:
Leah Doughty (not a replicant)
Xiaogang Wu (not a replicant)
Xiaochen Yuan (not a replicant)
Liwei Fang (possibly a replicant)
Dr. Ching-Hong Yang (definitely a replicant, since he makes
excuses every time we invite him to donuts)
Daniel Ross-Greinke (probably a replicant)
Didn’t chip in:
William Hutchins (definitely a replicant) would have chipped
in, but he spent all his money on crop circle patterns for his UFO.
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