Health Benefits of Donuts

My friend Kasey was sick yesterday. No one likes to be sick, but I thought, “it’s a shame it didn’t happen on Donut Wednesday, since donuts have so many well-known health benefits.”
For example, did you know that the sugar in donuts has antibacterial properties? It’s the same thing as in jam. Donuts don’t rot, they go stale. Then they rise up and smite your enemies.
The complex carbohydrates in donuts give you the energy you need to do quality science, mentor the heck out of your students, or fix the carburetor in your ’74 Ducati 900SS.
The little bit of fat in a donut helps to lubricate the gears in your brain so that you can think better, and also makes you more beautiful. Nobody likes those dry, skinny models in magazines, anyway.

Come to donuts (10am, LAP S185). It’ll do you good.
-MLJ

PS->Donuts this week courtesy of Elizabeth Muslin. Elizabeth once set up a lab so well, a philosophy student walking by changed his major. Instantly. With ESP.

(Not) Evil Donuts

Here in NB14, we plan a lot of evil schemes. You know, because it’s a basement, and that’s the kind of thing you do. Unfortunately, a lot of our schemes have been going wrong lately. For example, we had the idea of taking over the world by stealing all the toilet flush valves from campus. Sadly, someone else got there first, so now we just really need to go to the bathroom.
We decided recently to try our hand at a non-evil scheme. While we brainstormed, I told Heidi to buy me a donut subtly hinted to Heidi that I would think better with a donut and coffee. She didn’t have any money. So we thought to ourselves: you know who has money? Other people.
Presto! A scheme is born.

Wednesday donuts. 10am, LAP S185. BYO mug, donation, smiling visage.

Donuts this week courtesy of Dr. Chuck Wimpee. Chuck’s mustache does more science in a day than your whole body does in a week, slacker.

-MLJ

Once upon a time... Wednesday Donuts!

Once upon a time there were two scientists.
One scientist came to Wednesday donuts and enjoyed the company of her colleagues and got published in Science.
The other scientist stayed in his office, writing boring papers that nobody read, and boring proposals that NSF never funded, until he got killed by a falling North Korean satellite.

Wednesday donuts: 10am, LAP S185. BYO mug, cheery face, and (optional) donation.

Donuts this week courtesy of Dr. Erica Young: UWM’s answer to Jane Goodall, except with pitcher plants. Seriously, they’ve accepted her into their society and everything. Thanks, Dr. Young!

-MLJ

Come to Donuts!

Come to donuts in LAP S185, 10am. Otherwise, we’ll think you’re one of THOSE people. You know the ones. Scaly, both eyes on the same side of their heads…
Actually, I might be thinking of halibut…

-MLJ

New and Improved: Wednesday Donuts!

Remember when you interviewed, all those nice people you met in the Biology Department? As it turns out, they didn’t all quit to become comedians, or take one-way cruises to the Antarctic. They’re still here! They just don’t leave their offices any more than you do…

To remedy the situation, GOBS (and the Alberto Lab) cordially invite you to the new and improved WEDNESDAY DONUTS, every Wednesday at 10:00am in Lapham S185.

Bring your own mug (ideally). The coffee and donuts are free, but consider donating a couple of bucks to support your local graduate students.

Donuts this week courtesy of Dr. Daad Saffarini, the best Department Chair in the world (by miles).
-MLJ

PS->You don’t have to like donuts. We just want you to come talk to us while we eat them.

A Phoenix Rises!

Since I moved to my new position at University of Wisconsin - Milwaukee, I've found myself missing the comradeship and sugar rush of Wednesday Donuts. So, with help from junior colleagues (students) and the support of the Biology Department, I've created a new Wednesday Donuts for the new place. So, the Donut Emails are back too! Look for weekly updates here at the Donuteria.
-MLJ