Donut Sports Fans,
As all of you undoubtedly know, hockey and donuts go hand-in-hand. All the donut shop chains currently in existence were started by retired hockey players, for example: Howard Dunkin, Fredrick “Krispy” Kreme, Tim Horton, to name a few. The reason for this connection is the measurable improvement in player performance when donuts are used as an energy source. I experienced this myself last weekend, at my weekly rec-league game in Eugene. The game was closely fought, with plenty of shots countered by strong defense on both sides. But, at the end of regulation, the score stood at Team Snuggie 3 – Eugene Extreme 3, and the game was going to a shootout. First, three shooters from each side would try their luck against the goalie. If no decision was reached, the teams would alternate shooters until one team had a goal advantage. The other team missed their first. My team’s first shooter scored. The opposing second shooter missed, as did our second. Still 1-0. The other team’s third shooter scored. 1-1. Our third did not. Still 1-1. Going on. Both teams alternated shooters, working through their lineups, failing to reach the back of the net. My turn was rapidly approaching. I heard a tap on the glass. I looked back and Mara tossed me a pack of Hostess Donettes. You know the ones: they’ve got a brown plastic “chocolate” coating and are awesome. I immediately wolfed down three. It was my turn. I stuffed another Donette in my mouth and skated to center ice. As I started down the ice with the puck I could feel the chocolate coating the inside of my mouth, calming me. Approaching the goalie, I envisioned a donut box in the back of the net. The puck turned into a stale Bismarck and I knew I would score. I went right, to my backhand. Lifted the puck over the goalie’s leg pad. Right in the box. Baker’s Dozen, right there. Game over. Team Snuggie 3(2) – Eugene Extreme 3(1). Behold the power of donuts.
-MLJ
PS->Donuts this week courtesy of Dacey Mercer. Thanks, Dacey!
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Donut Mastery?
MLJ’s Lab Log
Lab Date 2010.03.02 19:36
Cloning Day 13
Clones Started: Samples 2577-2584
Clones Transferred: Samples 2569-2576
Clones Completed: 2559-2568 No samples 2564,2565
Sequences Edited: None
Notes: I was visited by an Ancient Evil in the lab today. I’m not certain, but I may have been muttering mysterious incantations in an effort to keep myself awake late in the day. Whatever the cause, a portal to Hell opened up and the Evil stepped out along with two Revenants. While the Revenants wandered out of the lab and down the hall, the Evil spoke to me.
“I have come to help you accomplish your evil laboratory work,” it said.
“This really isn’t that kind of lab,” I retorted.
It cut me off with a “Silence, Mortal,” and continued, “Use your mastery over the evil donut to enslave humanity. Force them to do your evil bidding in the laboratory.”
“Listen,” I said, “there are so many problems with that plan that I don’t know where to start. First, writing emails on a topic hardly equals mastery. Second, enslaving humanity sounds like a ton of work. I’d be better off just doing the lab work myself.”
“OK, fair enough,” the Evil replied. “It was just a thought.”
“Thanks for trying.”
“No problem. Now, can you tell me where I can find Ben Laurel? We’re collaborating on a project looking at the ichthyofauna of the River Styx.”
“Man, that guy has collaborators everywhere,” I said. “Anyway, his office is in the RSF. Fifth or sixth door on the right.”
“Thanks. See you later.”
“Alright, see you.”
One final note, I don’t seem to be experiencing any ill effects from my recent coffee-and-donuts lab diet or lack of sleep. So that’s one thing I can stop worrying about. And donuts is tomorrow!
Thankfully I only have to keep this up until June.
-MLJ
PS->Donuts this week courtesy of Ric Brodeur. Thanks, Ric!
Lab Date 2010.03.02 19:36
Cloning Day 13
Clones Started: Samples 2577-2584
Clones Transferred: Samples 2569-2576
Clones Completed: 2559-2568 No samples 2564,2565
Sequences Edited: None
Notes: I was visited by an Ancient Evil in the lab today. I’m not certain, but I may have been muttering mysterious incantations in an effort to keep myself awake late in the day. Whatever the cause, a portal to Hell opened up and the Evil stepped out along with two Revenants. While the Revenants wandered out of the lab and down the hall, the Evil spoke to me.
“I have come to help you accomplish your evil laboratory work,” it said.
“This really isn’t that kind of lab,” I retorted.
It cut me off with a “Silence, Mortal,” and continued, “Use your mastery over the evil donut to enslave humanity. Force them to do your evil bidding in the laboratory.”
“Listen,” I said, “there are so many problems with that plan that I don’t know where to start. First, writing emails on a topic hardly equals mastery. Second, enslaving humanity sounds like a ton of work. I’d be better off just doing the lab work myself.”
“OK, fair enough,” the Evil replied. “It was just a thought.”
“Thanks for trying.”
“No problem. Now, can you tell me where I can find Ben Laurel? We’re collaborating on a project looking at the ichthyofauna of the River Styx.”
“Man, that guy has collaborators everywhere,” I said. “Anyway, his office is in the RSF. Fifth or sixth door on the right.”
“Thanks. See you later.”
“Alright, see you.”
One final note, I don’t seem to be experiencing any ill effects from my recent coffee-and-donuts lab diet or lack of sleep. So that’s one thing I can stop worrying about. And donuts is tomorrow!
Thankfully I only have to keep this up until June.
-MLJ
PS->Donuts this week courtesy of Ric Brodeur. Thanks, Ric!
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
50 Ways to Eat a Donut
The problem is all inside your head, she said to me
The answer is easy if you take it logically
I'd like to help you in your goal to be greasy
There must be fifty ways to eat a donut
She said it's really not my habit to intrude
Furthermore, I hope my meaning won't be lost or misconstrued
But I'll repeat myself, at the risk of being crude
There must be fifty ways to eat a donut
Fifty ways to eat a donut
You just start at the back, Jack
Grab one in each hand, Stan
You don't need to be shy, Guy
Just listen to me
Eat one on the bus, Gus
You don't need to discuss much
Free samples are free, Lee
And often greasy
Ooo start at the back, Jack
Grab one in each hand, Stan
You don't need to be shy, Guy
Just listen to me
Eat one on the bus, Gus
Don't need to discuss much
Free samples are free, Lee
Often greasy
She said it grieves me so to see you in such pain
I wish I had a donut to give you, to make you smile again
I said I appreciate that and would you please explain
About Donut Wednesday?
She said why don't we both just sleep on it tonight
And I believe in the morning you'll begin to see the light
And then she kissed me and I realized she probably was right
There must be fifty ways to eat a donut
Fifty ways at Donut Wednesday.
-MLJ
PS-> I don’t know who picked up the wand this week, but Thanks, Mysterious Benefactor. ;-)
The answer is easy if you take it logically
I'd like to help you in your goal to be greasy
There must be fifty ways to eat a donut
She said it's really not my habit to intrude
Furthermore, I hope my meaning won't be lost or misconstrued
But I'll repeat myself, at the risk of being crude
There must be fifty ways to eat a donut
Fifty ways to eat a donut
You just start at the back, Jack
Grab one in each hand, Stan
You don't need to be shy, Guy
Just listen to me
Eat one on the bus, Gus
You don't need to discuss much
Free samples are free, Lee
And often greasy
Ooo start at the back, Jack
Grab one in each hand, Stan
You don't need to be shy, Guy
Just listen to me
Eat one on the bus, Gus
Don't need to discuss much
Free samples are free, Lee
Often greasy
She said it grieves me so to see you in such pain
I wish I had a donut to give you, to make you smile again
I said I appreciate that and would you please explain
About Donut Wednesday?
She said why don't we both just sleep on it tonight
And I believe in the morning you'll begin to see the light
And then she kissed me and I realized she probably was right
There must be fifty ways to eat a donut
Fifty ways at Donut Wednesday.
-MLJ
PS-> I don’t know who picked up the wand this week, but Thanks, Mysterious Benefactor. ;-)
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Donuts: Collaborative Catalyst
As most of you know, I’m heading into the final stretch of my PhD. So, as you can imagine, I’ve been working pretty hard lately. The long hours are certainly stressful (some of you have commented on this), but I really enjoy the sense of accomplishment that I get after a long day in the lab. I really enjoy what I do. I know most of you feel the same way. However, the best feeling (and one I’m not getting much of lately) is the joy of collaboration. The exchange of ideas, each of us teaching and learning, the tackling of bigger tasks than we could accomplish on our own… it’s a beautiful thing. That’s why you need to come to Wednesday Donuts. I can’t eat 36 donuts by myself. And, we can talk about science while we’re at it, between mouthfuls.
-MLJ
PS->Donuts this week courtesy of Dave Mellinger. Thanks, Dave!
-MLJ
PS->Donuts this week courtesy of Dave Mellinger. Thanks, Dave!
Wednesday Donut Day!
Short and sweet.
This week's donut day is a tribute to Patrick Swayze, and a nod to all the donut eating transvestites of the 90's...
To Wrong Goo, Thanks for the Bismarcks! Judy Rumor (1996)
http://www.iddb.com/title/tt0086066/
The feature starts at 10:00 on Wednesday (after you've checked your email, surfed the internet, and chatted in the mail room for an hour).
And REMEMBER that driving to work alone comes with a crushing sense of inadequate environmental sensitivity - so please car-pool or ride your bike (you can park your bike between the RSF and NAL).
If you need directions let Alana or I know and, as always, feel free to pass this along to anyone that I may have neglected.
Mattias
This week's donut day is a tribute to Patrick Swayze, and a nod to all the donut eating transvestites of the 90's...
To Wrong Goo, Thanks for the Bismarcks! Judy Rumor (1996)
http://www.iddb.com/title/tt0086066/
The feature starts at 10:00 on Wednesday (after you've checked your email, surfed the internet, and chatted in the mail room for an hour).
And REMEMBER that driving to work alone comes with a crushing sense of inadequate environmental sensitivity - so please car-pool or ride your bike (you can park your bike between the RSF and NAL).
If you need directions let Alana or I know and, as always, feel free to pass this along to anyone that I may have neglected.
Mattias
Pre-Defense To Do List
Donut Heroes,
I’ve tentatively (firmly) scheduled my Dissertation Defense for Wednesday, June 9 at 10:00. Although I didn’t pick the day or time (it just fell out that way according to my committee member’s schedules), there is a beautiful symmetry in defending at Donut Hour, as it’s my claim to fame at Hatfield. Put it on your calendars now. I’ve been thinking over what I have left to do, and I’ve put together this to-do list (in order of priority):
1. Write 18 more donut emails
2. Eat 36 donuts
3. Genotype ~1500 rockfish larvae at ~5 microsatellites
4. Amplify/Sequence/Clone MHC genes from ~170 adult rockfish
5. Analyze
6. Write Chapter 3
7. Defend
After I accomplish all my goals, I’ll be Dr. Donut, and I’ll get an intern or a Master’s student to write the donut emails for me. Oh, what a glorious day that will be…
-MLJ
PS->Donuts this week courtesy of Matt Hawkyard. Thanks, Matt!
I’ve tentatively (firmly) scheduled my Dissertation Defense for Wednesday, June 9 at 10:00. Although I didn’t pick the day or time (it just fell out that way according to my committee member’s schedules), there is a beautiful symmetry in defending at Donut Hour, as it’s my claim to fame at Hatfield. Put it on your calendars now. I’ve been thinking over what I have left to do, and I’ve put together this to-do list (in order of priority):
1. Write 18 more donut emails
2. Eat 36 donuts
3. Genotype ~1500 rockfish larvae at ~5 microsatellites
4. Amplify/Sequence/Clone MHC genes from ~170 adult rockfish
5. Analyze
6. Write Chapter 3
7. Defend
After I accomplish all my goals, I’ll be Dr. Donut, and I’ll get an intern or a Master’s student to write the donut emails for me. Oh, what a glorious day that will be…
-MLJ
PS->Donuts this week courtesy of Matt Hawkyard. Thanks, Matt!
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Homer Simpson Award
Hey Hatfielders,
How many awesome donut eaters do we have at Hatfield? I want to know which faculty or staff member you think deserves the Homer Simpson award. If you’d like to nominate someone please send me a short nomination letter detailing why you think they are so gluttonous. Nomination letters should address the nominee’s good looks, service to the donut community, collegiality, stickiness of fingers, or other characteristics that exemplify them as a model donut eater. Email to me by Feb. 1.
Mattias
How many awesome donut eaters do we have at Hatfield? I want to know which faculty or staff member you think deserves the Homer Simpson award. If you’d like to nominate someone please send me a short nomination letter detailing why you think they are so gluttonous. Nomination letters should address the nominee’s good looks, service to the donut community, collegiality, stickiness of fingers, or other characteristics that exemplify them as a model donut eater. Email to me by Feb. 1.
Mattias
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