Donut Buying

Hatfielders,
Over time, I’ve noticed that a core group of people tend to buy donuts a lot, with a few others buying once in a while, and a lot of us buying rarely (if at all). I suspect this is because the process is fairly complicated, and people are intimidated. Therefore, I’ve decided to describe what I usually do, so that others can follow my lead and feel comfortable picking up the donut wand once in a while. In general, I get my donuts from my friend Vladimir down on 49th Street. Vladimir doesn’t operate a traditional “donut shop”, so you have to make special arrangements. Vladimir doesn’t believe in “technology” either, so you can’t call or email. The system works this way: a week before you need the donuts, you go to the shopping center where the S. Beach post office is located. Next to the building is a mailbox. Put a single white rose in the mailbox and put up the flag. Then, you go to Mike Miller Park. Entering the park, you need to follow the path around in the clockwise direction. Place $18 in one-dollar bills in the crook of the fifth maple you come across (I think it’s the 18th tree on the left). Then, wait. On Tuesday of the week you need the donuts, drive along tenth street. If you see clothes hanging on the line at the blue house on the left (yes, even in the rain), you’ve succeeded in ordering donuts. The donuts will be left in the abandoned van behind the old Power Chrysler dealership after 9:00am.
Other people just pick up donuts at the JC Market. Either way, pick up the wand.
-MLJ