I lived to come to donuts!

I went mountain biking with Filipe on Sunday, on the Milwaukee River Trail. It was pretty great, but at one point, as I was trying to negotiate a narrow curve between a tree on one side and eternity on the other, I found myself having to confront both. Trying to sneak too close to the tree, I banged my shoulder into it and ended up flying off the other side of the trail. As I vaulted four feet sideways and four feet down to land with a kersplash in the river, I thought of donuts and you, my beloved colleagues. To my surprise, I survived to crawl ashore. Lucky to be alive, I’ll be at Wednesday Donuts this morning, counting my blessings. I hope you’ll be there too. LAP S185. 10am.

-MLJ

PS->Donuts this week courtesy of Dr. Colin Scanes. In Dr. Scanes’ honor, I’ve composed a song of thanks, sung to the tune of O Tannenbaum:

Oh, Colin Scanes Oh, Colin Scanes

Your wallet held a twenty

Oh, Colin Scanes Oh, Colin Scanes

You’re generous in summertime

I put this line in ‘cause it rhymes

Oh, Colin Scanes Oh, Colin Scanes

I found you in your office

Oh, Colin Scanes Oh, Colin Scanes

Of all the Bio faculty

You seem the most British to me

Oh, Colin Scanes Oh, Colin Scanes

Your wallet held a twenty.

It's Evil Sara's Last Donuts!

Our little undergrad is growing up. I can still remember when she joined the lab. Heidi and I went to help proctor Dr. Alberto’s stats exam, and looking over all the innocent faces I asked Heidi, “Which one’s our one?” When she pointed Evil Sara out I thought, “Hmm, interesting.” But she was barely even “Bad Sara” then. In the intervening year or so, she’s grown as a scientician and as a villain, so that now we’re proud to call her the best undergraduate we’ve ever worked with (N=1). And she’s leaving us for greener pastures. Not until August, really, but she’ll only be around the lab one day a week after Friday…and it’s not Wednesday, sadly.

-MLJ

PS->Donuts this week courtesy of EVIL SARA! I’ve already talked enough about her, though. You know what else is great? My motorcycle. It’s a Ducati 900SS. Beautiful, and looks fast (but isn’t really that fast, by Ducati standards). I keep trying to convince my wife that we need more motorcycles, but she doesn’t really believe it.

Wonuts? Bah, back in my day...

So, I read on this newfangled inter-net blog from NPR that there’s a new donut hybrid available:

http://www.npr.org/blogs/thesalt/2014/05/05/309760553/sandwich-monday-the-wonut

Personally, I just can’t understand this trend. First you have your cronut, then the sconut, then the blonut (that’s the bubblegum-filled one that’s so popular now). Where does it end?

In my day, we were happy if the donuts were filled at all. Sometimes it was mustard, but we were still happy. Those were different times, back in the mid-2000s. That’s why we stick with the old ways at Wednesday Donuts. No fusion donuts here, just old-fashioned donuts for people with old-fashioned ivory tower values.

Wednesday Donuts – LAP S185 10am.

-MLJ

PS->Donuts this week courtesy of Dr. John Berges. Dr. Berges is Canadian, eh. In Canada the national religion is to worship a former hockey player, Tim Horton. Some people go to the Tim Horton temple every day. With that level of religious fervor, it might be time for some drone strikes. Just saying. Canadians are good people though, because they share our Wisconsinian love of cheese that’s chewed up and spit out. Our mutual love of cheese curds may protect us in the event of a donut-themed religious war... 

Wednesday Donuts

Remember all the fun we had last Friday? Eating cupcakes, looking at posters, thinking about how great the Department of Biological Sciences is? You can relive some of that fun today, at Wednesday Donuts. We’ll reminisce about our favorite talks, debate whether the poster session would have functioned as a sauna (if only we could have found some towels to wear), and get a morning caffeine boost. Be there, or Evil Sara will dissolve you with a withering look.

-MLJ

PS->Donuts this week courtesy of Dr. Sonia Bardy. Chant it with me now: So-nia Bar-dy clap-clap clapclapclap, So-nia Bar-dy clap-clap clapclapclap, So-nia Bar-dy clap-clap clapclapclap, So-nia Bar-dy clap-clap clapclapclap. She’s great, isn’t she? Thanks, Dr. Bardy!

Congratulations, Donut Winner!

Dear [Insert Donut Evader’s Name Here],

You have won a new 2014 Ducati Multistrada motorcycle, a new 2014 Subaru XV Crosstrek, or a new 2014 Sea Ray 205 Sport powerboat, of your choice, in a raffle you don’t remember entering. To claim your prize, come to Lapham Hall, room S185 between 10 and 11am on Wednesday, April 16, 2014. Prize winners will be required to show valid ID. An optional raffle cost deferral payment of $25 may be donated to cover the cost of future events.

-MLJ

PS->Donuts this week courtesy of Dr. Gerlinde Höbel. What is there to say about Dr. Höbel? She’s obviously very generous with her $25 bills, and a great teacher and scientist. But she’s also pretty Rock n Roll. You can tell by the metal umlaut in her name. The more umlauts, the more bädäss. Thanks, Dr. Höbel!

Mättïäs Jöhänssön, PhD

University of Wisconsin - Milwaukee

Department of Biological Sciences

P.O. Box 413

Milwaukee WI 53201

Top 5 Most Delicious Donuts

1. That cinnamon swirl one with buttercream frosting

2. The cinnamon twist

3. The Bismarck with light filling, like Twinkie filling or something.

4. Maple bar

5. Anything with sprinkles

Come see if any of these delicacies appear in this week’s spread: Lap S185, 10am.

-MLJ

PS->Donuts this week courtesy of Filipe Alberto. Filipe is a great guy. A good boss, mentor, and teacher, he’ll also give you a good run on the XC ski trail, or the mountain bike path. And yesterday he had $25 in his pocket. Thanks, Filipe!

Hemingway on Donuts

·         Don't you eat donuts? I notice you speak slightingly of the pastry. I have eaten donuts since I was fifteen and few things have given me more pleasure. When you work hard all day with your head and know you must work again the next day what else can change your ideas and make them run on a different plane like coffee and a donut? When you are cold and wet what else can warm you? Before an attack who can say anything that gives you the momentary well-being that coffee and a donut does?... The only time it isn't good for you is when you ***** or when you fight. You have to do that cold. But it always helps my shooting. Modern life, too, is often a mechanical oppression and coffee and a donut is the only mechanical relief.

·         Postscript to letter to critic, poet and translator Ivan Kashkin (19 August 1935); published in Ernest Hemingway: Selected Letters 1917–1961 (1981) edited by Carlos Baker

Donuts. Is there anything they don’t improve? Lapham S185, 10am.

-MLJ

PS->Donuts this week courtesy of Ken Brockman. With a postdoc in his near future, and (presumably) brighter financial days ahead, Ken has generously decided to spend one of his last $25/month student paychecks on our weekly get-together. Now that’s generosity! Congrats on the new opportunity, Ken! Best of luck.