Another donut miracle achieved!

As most of you know, I take a deep and abiding interest in health and nutrition in my role as Donut Email Coordinator. That’s why I've been so concerned about the rise of pumpkin intolerance (PI) in recent years. Although many people are sure that it’s all due to Monsanto spraying poisons from commercial airliners, I have yet to be convinced of this as the primary cause. Unfortunately, outside of intensive psychotherapy, there is still no cure for PI.

That’s why I’m so happy to announce a breakthrough by the food scientists at Dunkin Donuts. These hard-working individuals have finally managed to develop a Pumpkin Pie Donut that is completely, 100%, pumpkin free! If you've been struggling with PI, unable to enjoy the horrible fall beers that come around every year, and forced to avoid all the best baked goods, Dunkin has the answer:

http://www.dunkindonuts.com/content/dunkindonuts/en/menu/food/bakery/donuts/donuts.html?DRP_FLAVOR=Pumpkin+Pie+Donut

Donuts, 10am Wednesday. LAP S185.

-MLJ

PS->Donuts this week courtesy of the lovely ladies of the Leopard Lounge (formerly the Cheetah Garden, formerly the Housecat House): Ambi Henschen, Rachel Toldness, and Katie Barry. Orphaned at a young age, and raised as sisters by a pack of feral cats, the ladies have developed the ability to do quality science while simultaneously feeling sorry for anyone who doesn't live in a house named after cats. Thanks, Catgirls!

Healthy and Delicious Donuts

Worlds healthiest donut? I don’t know. It’s probably one of those with fruit inside. The red ones, I guess. I think they might have raspberry seeds. Or those might be spider eggs. Either way: healthylicious.

Donuts: 10am LAP S185.

-MLJ

Wondering about donuts?

You know what I’ve always wondered? Why the heck do people say someone “looks at life through rose-scented glasses”? What kind of stupid expression is that?

Find out the answer to that, and all of life’s other mysteries at Wednesday Donuts. Today, 10am, LAP S185.

-MLJ

What's more fun than donuts?

Donuts: it’s more fun than being robbed by a man dressed as a shrimp.

Donuts: it’s more fun than being pushed off a cliff by your new wife.

Donuts: it’s more fun than stubbing your toe on the skull of poor Yorick.

Be there. LAP S185, 10am.

-MLJ

Beautiful Donuts

You know, donuts is a lot like the public library at Ibiza (or Daytona Beach, if you prefer) during spring break: it’s full of beautiful men and women, discussing esoteric topics and looking good.

And you definitely want to be there.

Lap S185, 10:00.

-MLJ

Donut Professorship Questions

Dear Dr. Kruller,

I am a postdoc in Bakeriological Sciences at UW – Milwaukee, and I’m looking for my next professional opportunity. I saw the recent announcement of an Assistant Professor of Fryer Operations position at the University of Bismarck and had a few questions.
1. My research requires some minimal equipment: fryer, dough cutters in round and rectangular, donut-licking monkey, etc.. Are there startup funds available for this equipment?
2. What are the caloric intake requirements for faculty? The announcement mentions five donuts per day as the standard faculty load. Are new faculty allowed to taper up to this level?
3. My research focuses on filled donuts and their impact on society. Is there a possibility of developing a course on this topic in the first year?

Thank you in advance for your time.

Looking forward to hearing from you,

-MLJ

PS-> Wednesday Donuts, LAP S185, 10am

PPS-> Donuts this week courtesy of Heidi Hargarten, Donut Mistress. If you’ve got a problem, Heidi will be there to help you solve it. Provided it’s a donut-related problem. And it’s Wednesday. Between 10 and 11am. And it’s a problem you can solve by eating donuts; she doesn’t deal with allergies, or anything. 

Donut Tech

The Dunkin Tiger Stripe bar was a donut manufactured by Dunkin Donuts as an upgrade to the Dunkin Maple Bar. The earlier Maple Bar had introduced liquid frosting, computerized dough injection and two-stage frying to the company's zero-hole donuts. In 1991 Dunkin increased the frosting of the Maple Bar to two layers to create the Tiger Stripe. Both donuts featured the DuoMono concept in which two monkeys were employed in testing the quality of every donut by licking them before sale.

Continuing refinement yielded the next two generations of the Dunkin zero-hole donut, resulting in the Maple Bacon Bar and Chocolate Bar lines.

Mmm. Pre-licked donuts. Come out and have one (or two) tomorrow at 10am. LAP S185

-MLJ

PS->Donuts this week courtesy of Kim Quartemont. Kim is really fast. Like, Usain Bolt fast. She can also jump really high. And she can outthink really smart people, like the people in this department. Think of something great? Kim already thought of that. But the great thing is, she’s not the type to rub our noses in it. Instead, she buys us donuts. Thanks, Kim!